"Step Brothers"

Dale Doback (John C. Reilly) and Brennan Huff (Will Ferrell) are living parallel lives. They are middle-aged, but still live with and sponge off of their single parents. Those parents meet one day and hit it off. Dale’s dad marries Brennan’s mom and the two become unwilling stepbrothers. That’s the set-up.

Step Brothers is a film ostensibly about two men who initially hate each other but soon find out that they’re kindred spirits. But this movie might really be a commentary on what it means to be a grown up in society and the value of not growing up.

But the truth is it doesn’t matter what it’s about because this movie is terrible. I mean truly awful. Will Ferrell's movies are hit and miss, but there is usually some humor to be found in all of them. I found Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy to be complete comic gold, but I couldn’t sit all the way through Talladega Nights: the Ballad of Ricky Bobby. That’s why I should have been more wary when I sat down to watch this movie. I was thinking Ron Burgundy when I should have remembered Ricky Bobby. I will admit, I laughed out loud at a couple of the step brothers’ shenanigans, but I was cringing the entire rest of the time. Do not waste your eyesight on this one. I did and I regret it.

I give Step Brothers a rating of 9 on the B.E. scale.

"Clash of the Titans"

Please note that this is not a review of the 3D version of Clash of the Titans. A friend of mine cautioned me that since none of the movie was filmed in 3D, the effects did not match up to those of Avatar, which was filmed in 3D.
The movie opens with a fisherman hauling a crate up from the seas’ depths. The fisherman, Spyros (Pete Postlethwaite), cracks it open to discover that it is in fact a coffin since a dead woman is inside, but so is a very much alive baby. Spyros takes the child in and, with his wife, raises him. They name him Perseus.

Along with an all grown up Perseus (Avatar’s Sam Worthington), Spyros takes his wife and young daughter on a pilgrimage to a statue of Zeus. But when they get there, things go horribly wrong.

***SPOILER ALERT (albeit a rather predictable development) *** The family arrives just as a group of soldiers is desecrating the immense statue. In response, harpees manifest and ravage the soldiers. The harpees meld to reveal that they are a god. The vessel carrying the family is also destroyed as part of the vengeance. All aboard (save for Perseus) drown. Some of the remaining soldiers take Perseus back to their kingdom. Once there, the god who killed Perseus’ family reveals himself as Hades to the court and warns the kingdom that unless they sacrifice their beloved Princess Andromeda (Alexa Davalos) to Zeus, he will unleash the Kraken on the kingdom and destroy it and all within. And so Perseus sets out on a quest to avenge his family and save the princess. [\END SPOILER]

Okay, so I have three words for you: Epic. Cheesy. Goodness. Those three words, in that order, sum up the way I feel about Clash of the Titans, a re-imagining of the even more cheesy 1981 movie of the same name. I went into the movie thinking I’d hate it. I thought it would be just a polished Hollywood turd that I’d cringe at the memory of one day. I’d been picking too many movies that ended up negative (good) on the scale and wanted one in the plus column. But I was entertained, and that’s one of the things movies are good for, right?

Okay, so it’s not going to win any Oscars, but you’ll enjoy yourself if you turn off your brain and not question why
***SPOILER ALERT*** mere mortals would take on all-powerful gods [\END SPOILER].
That’s why I give Clash of the Titans (in 2D) a rating of -5 on the B.E. scale. Avoid the 3D version. By most accounts, it’s horrid.

'Watchmen"

Watchmen is set in 1985 America in a parallel universe where Nixon was not only not impeached, he was elected to a third term in office. But that’s the most believable thing about this parallel universe in which masked crusaders fight crime (and each other) and a physicist’s accident transformed him into a superhuman entity known as Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup) capable of leveling a city in seconds. Luckily, he’s fighting for the good guys.

The film is based on the graphic novels of the same name. Most people who have read the comics agree: it’s epic in scope and an excellent read. I’m not one of those people—I’ve never read it. All I’m going off of here is the movie.

It begins with one of the masked crusaders, the Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), being murdered. Another of the crusaders is convinced that this is there is a plot to get rid of all masked crusaders. Rorschach (Jackie Earle Hayley) sets out to investigate and prove his theory. Thus begins a three hour long preachy gore fest replete with fantastic fight scenes and good special effects.

This movie is hell to rate. It does not rise to the level of success of say the equally gory Kill Bill (a movie that deserves a rating of -10.5 on the scale) nor does it fail quite as spectacularly as Battlefield Earth, an 11. When the end credits began to roll, it wasn’t immediately clear to me if this was a good movie or a bad movie that deserves to be on the positive end of the B.E. spectrum. (Remember, a negative rating means the movie is good.)

What is clear is that this is the kind of movie that you would have to watch more than once to fully comprehend. Unfortunately, with a run-time of 3 hours, it was enough of a trudge the first time. A long runtime is not in-and-of-itself a crime, but the movie seriously lacked coherence between scenes. The viewer keeps getting dropped in one vignette after another. It just didn’t flow.

Since one measure of whether a movie is good or not is the desire to watch it again, I give Watchmen a rating of 5 on the B.E. scale. (What saves it from being an 8 is some decent acting throughout.)

"Just Friends"

Just Friends

Ten years ago, Chris Brander (Ryan Reynolds) was a fat high school geek in a small New Jersey town. He has a crush on his best friend, the most beautiful and popular girl in school, Jamie Palomino (Amy Smart). At a graduation party, Chris is determined to confess his true feelings for her. His plan is to make her read the note he wrote to her in a yearbook detailing those feelings. But there’s a mix-up. Instead of exchanging yearbooks with Jamie, Chris’ yearbook comes into the possession of the most obnoxious jock in the graduating class. Chris realizes the mix-up too late and he and Jamie arrive just as the jock is in the middle of ruthlessly reading Chris’ note to the entire party, which howls in laughter.

Humiliated, Chris quickly leaves the house. Jamie stops him just outside. She says, “I love you…” Thinking his dreams have come true, Chris moves in for a kiss. She does too, but hers is aimed for his cheek. “Like a brother,” she finishes. I love you like a brother. “Friends, right?” she asks. The crowd notices this exchange and the laughter re-erupts. Humiliated even further, Chris makes a vow. He’ll show a town full of “losers” that he’ll make something of himself. He leaves town, planning never to return.

Today, Chris is a lady killer. He’s in shape and handsome and practically beating girls off with a stick. He’s also a top executive for a music label and rubs shoulders with the top names in the business.

One of the industry's hottest stars is Samantha James (the comedically gifted Ana Faris). Chris is tasked by his boss with wooing the unstable “it girl” to his label. Samantha and Chris get on a private plane to Paris at Samantha’s behest, but the plane is grounded due to the mid-air carelessness of Samantha. Chris is stunned to learn that the plane has landed close to his hometown.

So Chris goes home to see his mom and a couple of friends from high school. Chris runs into Jamie at a local bar. When the two reconnect, will it be as Just Friends or something more?

This movie had me laughing from start to finish. A warning however: if other people’s humiliation makes you cringe and look away, you’ll hate yourself for loving this movie. You will love this movie. It’s inevitable.

The comedic timing of the cast is fantastic and is most of the reason I give Just Friends a rating of -8 on the B.E. scale.

P.S. I realize I gave away some plot, something I promised I’d never do, but I promise there are several plot points I left out. Like I said, I’ll give the premise of the movie and my rating.

"The Aviator"

The Aviator is a biopic on the triumphant and, at times, tragic life of Howard Hughes (Leonardo DiCaprio). Hughes was arguably one of the most influential people of the 20^th Century. His considerable influence was felt in both the film and aviation industries. Hughes was many things and the movie documents each of those aspects to his personality. He was a brilliant engineer, visionary film director, savvy businessman, and millionaire playboy who bedded the likes of Ava Gardner (Kate Beckinsale), Jean Harlow (Gwen Stefani), and Katherine Hepburn (played to perfection by Cate Blanchett).

At times, he was also certifiably insane. Despite the mental illness, Hughes puts up a fight against those who would orchestrate his downfall. As I have said in a previous post, I will not give away the plots to the movies I review. You’ll just have to watch the movie to see if he prevails. (If you’re a history buff, you probably already know though.)

If you’re expecting a look into his later, more eccentric Las Vegas years, expect to be disappointed. Despite its very long run-time, The Aviator never looks at the years leading up to Hughes’ death.

With a nearly 3 hour run-time, the movie can seem like a marathon run. And in the hands of any director but Scorsese or any lead but DiCaprio, watching that marathon would seem like a chore. But this is Scorsese and DiCaprio at their finest and teamed up. That makes The Aviator far from a chore to watch.

It still seems a little long, though, so I give The Aviator a rating of -8 on the B.E. scale. It would have been a solid 9, but I deducted a point for being an hour too long.

"How to Train Your Dragon" in IMAX 3D

In order to explain why I feel so strongly about this next movie I must put it in context to my situation. For several years (and the past few months in particular), I’ve been going through kind of a rough patch. I really identified with the characters in the movie because I see a little bit of myself in some of them, especially the main character and especially the main character at the end of the story.

You see, coping with disability is one of the themes in How to Train Your Dragon. It’s subtle enough that you might miss it if you’re not looking out for it, but it’s definitely there and it’s especially evident in the movie’s final scenes.

This is the kind of movie that is has two layers. On the surface, it’s a story about a boy and his dragon. On a deeper level, the movie is about overcoming adversity when you are differently able. I’ll give one example and I’m sorry, but it’s a spoiler. It’s a minor spoiler, so you can read it. The dragon the boy befriends can’t fly properly after a fall that destroyed one of its tail fins. The boy creates a prosthetic for the dragon and, in the process of perfecting the prosthetic, the bond between them strengthens. Another example (I’ll keep it vague): At the end of the movie, the main character takes a major setback in stride and it didn’t come off as unrealistic.

This movie was touching, funny, and inspirational. (Plus I saw it in IMAX 3D and the effects were very cool.) I give How to Train Your Dragon a rating of -9.5 on the B.E. scale.